I thought I would share a poem I wrote today with you. It really has nothing to do with dating or domestic violence, but wanted to share it anyway. We have all lost someone we have loved or cared about, whether it be to natural causes, accidents, abuse, suicide, etc. I wrote this poem today, "Tribute to a Friend" about a friend I lost 12 years ago. In 12 years, I have not gone one day without thinking of this person, however, he has been on mind more than usual lately and I find myself missing him a great deal. I'm sure many of you can relate to the feelings of losing someone you love and care about.
"Tribute to a Friend"
Reality finally hit me today
The Lord above took you away
And the life I live is not a dream
Nothing is what it may seem
I fake a smile to get through the day
Ever since you took your love away
The hurt and pain I feel is real
I'm told with time this too shall heal
It's been years since I've seen your face
What we shared no one could ever replace
I close my eyes and still see your smile
And you're here again for just a while
I can hear your voice and feel your touch
I never thought I could hurt this much
And though the years and time has gone by
I've tried to move on, but still I cry
For the love, the friend, the one I miss
All I can do now, is reminisce
Until the Lord takes me away
To his home in Heaven on that sweet day
I'll do my best withou you my friend
Until the day we meet again.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Men Can Be Victims Too
Today's blog is something I've been wanting to write for a while, but have been putting it off. Well, today's the day to write it. In our society, we to often hear about women beaten to death or murdered by their spouse or dating partner. What we don't hear about often, is how many men out there are abused by their spouse or dating partner. We seem to look at women as the weaker sex and the one who needs help when it comes to domestic violence issues; however, there are men out their being abused as well and they need our help just as much as the women do.
A 1998 study by the Department of Justice shows that 834,732 men are abused annually, that's one man every 37.8 seconds in America. Data shows that men are more likely to have a knife used on them or to be threatened with a knife, hit with an objected, kicked, bitten or have something thrown at them; while women are more likely to be beaten up, threatened with a gun, choked, drowned, have their hair pulled, pushed, grabbed or shoved.
Here are some other statistics:
A University of Pennsylvania emergency room report found that 13% of men reported being abused by a female partner in the past 12 months.
30% of women (out of 1,000) in a California State University study admitted to assaulting a male partner.
Our society views women as the weaker sex and often looks at a women being violent in self-defense. That is not always the case however. Violence often begins by men and women in equal numbers; however, more women are willing to report the violence...even if they are the ones who initiated (as was the case with Minnesota Vikings quarterback, Warren Moon).
Studies have found that men who call the police to report domestic violence are three times more likely to be arrested than women.
Restraining orders at the time of arrest put men at a disadvantage: put them out of their home, keep them away from their children, etc. The legal system gives abusive wives and girlfriends tools to continue attacks even after the relationship has ended.
Abusive women can abuse men economically, by coercing the man to loan or giver her money, manipulating him for money, stealing from him...this can even include manipulating the man for material objects.
It seems to me that men and women are both equally at fault for dating/domestic violence incidents. I know women who were definitely the victims of DV and I also know men who are the victims. I also know people who when an argument occurs, they both escalate to even low levels of DV. Regardless, DV should not be accepted or started by a man or a woman. Physical altercations, name calling, monetary exploitations and so forth should not occur in a relationship. These are not healthy relationships and if we do not have a healthy relationship with our spouse, what are we teaching our children. As a man who abuses his wife, are you teaching your daughter it's okay to be abused and your son that it's okay to be the one to abuse their spouse or partner? As a woman who abuses, are you teaching your daughter it's okay to hit a man or call him names? Are you teaching your son it's okay to put up with a woman who does that to him? Our children learn from watching us. There is a saying, "Do as I say, not as I do"; well, children often times learn from watching and what they see is what they are going to do. I often hear people say, "What is wrong with these children these days?". Our children learn from watching us and if we aren't teaching them right from wrong, they are going to do the same things they are seeing. If we want our children to be respectful to their partners, we have to be respectful to ours. I'm not saying we can't have disagreements or arguments, but what I am saying, is to keep those disagreements and arguments civilized...no hitting, no pushing or shoving, no pulling hair, no biting, no name calling, and so forth.
I'm prompted to write this blog on men as victims because it is something that hits very close to home for me. There is nothing we can do as loved ones and friends to keep anyone out of a bad relationship, except to give them our love and support. Give them encouragement. Give them the information they need. And then...we have to let them make the decision to stay or leave for themselves. It is very difficult to watch your loved one stay in an unhealthy relationship. It hurts you as an outsider and makes you wonder what it is that makes this person willing to stay in this situation. I've personally learned that some of us are just stronger than others, some of us have a lower tolerance for what we will take from others, for some of us it is a matter of how much we respect and value ourselves and our loved ones. For whatever the reason, there are those of us who get out and those of us who stay in bad relationships.
Today, I pray that anyone male or female who finds themselves in an unhealthy relationship, will be given the courage and strength to get out of the relationship. I pray that those who are victims of dating/domestic violence will find enough love and respect for themselves to say, I deserve better than this. I pray that those who are the abusers will realize how much hurt and pain they have caused their partners and loved ones. I pray that the abusers will repent for their actions and vow to make changes in their lives in order to have a healthy relationship. Finally, I pray God's love, mercy and forgiveness on abusers and God's love, mercy and strength on the victims. Amen.
A 1998 study by the Department of Justice shows that 834,732 men are abused annually, that's one man every 37.8 seconds in America. Data shows that men are more likely to have a knife used on them or to be threatened with a knife, hit with an objected, kicked, bitten or have something thrown at them; while women are more likely to be beaten up, threatened with a gun, choked, drowned, have their hair pulled, pushed, grabbed or shoved.
Here are some other statistics:
A University of Pennsylvania emergency room report found that 13% of men reported being abused by a female partner in the past 12 months.
30% of women (out of 1,000) in a California State University study admitted to assaulting a male partner.
Our society views women as the weaker sex and often looks at a women being violent in self-defense. That is not always the case however. Violence often begins by men and women in equal numbers; however, more women are willing to report the violence...even if they are the ones who initiated (as was the case with Minnesota Vikings quarterback, Warren Moon).
Studies have found that men who call the police to report domestic violence are three times more likely to be arrested than women.
Restraining orders at the time of arrest put men at a disadvantage: put them out of their home, keep them away from their children, etc. The legal system gives abusive wives and girlfriends tools to continue attacks even after the relationship has ended.
Abusive women can abuse men economically, by coercing the man to loan or giver her money, manipulating him for money, stealing from him...this can even include manipulating the man for material objects.
It seems to me that men and women are both equally at fault for dating/domestic violence incidents. I know women who were definitely the victims of DV and I also know men who are the victims. I also know people who when an argument occurs, they both escalate to even low levels of DV. Regardless, DV should not be accepted or started by a man or a woman. Physical altercations, name calling, monetary exploitations and so forth should not occur in a relationship. These are not healthy relationships and if we do not have a healthy relationship with our spouse, what are we teaching our children. As a man who abuses his wife, are you teaching your daughter it's okay to be abused and your son that it's okay to be the one to abuse their spouse or partner? As a woman who abuses, are you teaching your daughter it's okay to hit a man or call him names? Are you teaching your son it's okay to put up with a woman who does that to him? Our children learn from watching us. There is a saying, "Do as I say, not as I do"; well, children often times learn from watching and what they see is what they are going to do. I often hear people say, "What is wrong with these children these days?". Our children learn from watching us and if we aren't teaching them right from wrong, they are going to do the same things they are seeing. If we want our children to be respectful to their partners, we have to be respectful to ours. I'm not saying we can't have disagreements or arguments, but what I am saying, is to keep those disagreements and arguments civilized...no hitting, no pushing or shoving, no pulling hair, no biting, no name calling, and so forth.
I'm prompted to write this blog on men as victims because it is something that hits very close to home for me. There is nothing we can do as loved ones and friends to keep anyone out of a bad relationship, except to give them our love and support. Give them encouragement. Give them the information they need. And then...we have to let them make the decision to stay or leave for themselves. It is very difficult to watch your loved one stay in an unhealthy relationship. It hurts you as an outsider and makes you wonder what it is that makes this person willing to stay in this situation. I've personally learned that some of us are just stronger than others, some of us have a lower tolerance for what we will take from others, for some of us it is a matter of how much we respect and value ourselves and our loved ones. For whatever the reason, there are those of us who get out and those of us who stay in bad relationships.
Today, I pray that anyone male or female who finds themselves in an unhealthy relationship, will be given the courage and strength to get out of the relationship. I pray that those who are victims of dating/domestic violence will find enough love and respect for themselves to say, I deserve better than this. I pray that those who are the abusers will realize how much hurt and pain they have caused their partners and loved ones. I pray that the abusers will repent for their actions and vow to make changes in their lives in order to have a healthy relationship. Finally, I pray God's love, mercy and forgiveness on abusers and God's love, mercy and strength on the victims. Amen.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Mrs. Southwest Colorado 2012
June 30th ended my reign as Mrs. San Luis Valley 2011. What better way to spend it than with Mrs. Colorado Director, Emily Stark.
Emily came to South Fork and spoke at the Chapel of South Fork's Chapel Jewels Ladies Luncheon. Emily spoke about her experience finding out she was pregnant with conjoined twins, the birth of her girls and their separation. Emily had all of us in tears one minute and laughing the next. It was an awesome experience and the ladies are still talking about her and her presentation. It was so great to get to hear Emily's story and to meet her adorable little boy.
My reign as Mrs. Southwest Colorado 2012 began on July 1st and has already been busy. While I didn't wear my banner, I participated in the South Fork Chamber of Commerce 4th of July Parade on July 2nd....dressed as a duck for the duck race float.
I was more festive and appropriately dressed for Creede's 4th of July Parade. Thanks to my good friend, Naomi Anderson, who drove me in her car in the parade (see my photo album for parade pictures). For as small as Creede is, there were thousands of people in attendance at the parade and probably close to 100 participants. The parade started at 10 a.m. and took about an hour to drive down Main Street. It was so much to see all the spectators wearing their red, white & blue and celebrating Independence Day. The little kids were so cute, yelling for me to wave at them. I even had a mom and her daughter stop the car we were in during the parade. The little girl was holding a bouquet of red, white and blue flowers. The mom raised the little girl up to where I was sitting on the roof of the car and the little girl handed me the bouquet. It was so sweet and she was so adorable.
After the parade, Naomi, my daughter and I took some photos at Kip's Grill where we had lunch and then at the Autumn Tenyl trunk show. I LOVE her clothes!!! What a great weekend to begin a new reign!!!
I will continue to advocate for dating/domestic violence awareness as Mrs. Southwest Colorado 2012 and hope to spread awareness from Alamosa to Cortez and every town in between.
Emily came to South Fork and spoke at the Chapel of South Fork's Chapel Jewels Ladies Luncheon. Emily spoke about her experience finding out she was pregnant with conjoined twins, the birth of her girls and their separation. Emily had all of us in tears one minute and laughing the next. It was an awesome experience and the ladies are still talking about her and her presentation. It was so great to get to hear Emily's story and to meet her adorable little boy.
My reign as Mrs. Southwest Colorado 2012 began on July 1st and has already been busy. While I didn't wear my banner, I participated in the South Fork Chamber of Commerce 4th of July Parade on July 2nd....dressed as a duck for the duck race float.
After the parade, Naomi, my daughter and I took some photos at Kip's Grill where we had lunch and then at the Autumn Tenyl trunk show. I LOVE her clothes!!! What a great weekend to begin a new reign!!!
I will continue to advocate for dating/domestic violence awareness as Mrs. Southwest Colorado 2012 and hope to spread awareness from Alamosa to Cortez and every town in between.
Monday, June 27, 2011
5K Success
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| Winner, Pat Hayes |
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| Mrs. Colorado 2011, Janell Ames - Mrs. San Luis Valley - Mrs. Colorado 2002, Emily Stark |
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| Starting Line |
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| Before the Race |
Thursday, June 2, 2011
How Time Flies
It's hard to believe that on Sunday (May 29th), my husband and I celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary. This time last year, I was lying on the beach enjoying the warm sunshine in the Bahamas on our honeymoon. After having been together for 5 years, the honeymoon phase is over and we have had our differences over the past year; however, these differences were resolved through discussion, understanding, respect and love rather than violence.
My hope is that those of you who are in relationships can resolve your differences in your relationships (marriage or dating) through discussion, understanding, respect and love. This is the kind of relationship we all deserve.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
My hope is that those of you who are in relationships can resolve your differences in your relationships (marriage or dating) through discussion, understanding, respect and love. This is the kind of relationship we all deserve.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
Sunday, May 22, 2011
We are all BEAUTIFUL
Today's blog is not as much about dating/domestic violence as it is about self-esteem. We all have something about ourselves that we dislike or would change about ourselves. Plastic surgery seems to be very popular these days: liposuction, breast augmentation, nose jobs, botox, eye lifts, and so forth. The TLC song "Unpretty" comes to mind when I think about plastic surgery and how we change or try to change ourselves when we don't like something about ourself or feel uncomfortable in our own skin as we are. The line from that song that always comes to my mind related to self-esteem is "you can by your hair if it won't grow, you would fix your nose if he said so, you can buy all the make-up that man can make, but if you can't look inside you and find out who am I to be in the position to make me feel unpretty."
However, the song that made me decide to write today's post was "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. I read today of a supossed physical struggle that Christina has lived with. If what I read is true, I share this same struggle with Christina. It is a struggle that makes you doubt your beauty, your self-worth, lowers your self-esteem; while making you feel alone, ashamed and embarrassed. The disorder, which I have talked about to only a few, is Trichotillomania (TTM). More people suffer from TTM than Bipolar Disorder; however, TTM is very rarely talked about. It affects your physical appearance; which makes people not want to talk about it when we live in a society when our physical appearance is everything.
Between what I am learning from my Mrs. Colorado friends and in my psychology classes, I think it imporant to talk about this issue and bring it to everyone's attention. I have to give props to Miss Delaware, Kayla Martell, who suffers from alopecia and competed in the Miss Delaware USA Pageant a number of times without a wig before winning in 2010, wearing her wig. Miss Martell has brought alopecia to the public's awareness and I'm often amazed at how it takes someone in the spotlight to get attention on certain topics. My hope is that if someone reading this is struggling with their self-esteem, they will realize that no matter what their condition, appearance or circumstance; they are not alone and we each have our own issues and struggles and that regardless of what anyone else may think.....WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!
I leave you with Christina's "Beautiful" video and the link for more info on TTM.
Remember "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY."
http://www.trich.org/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM
However, the song that made me decide to write today's post was "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. I read today of a supossed physical struggle that Christina has lived with. If what I read is true, I share this same struggle with Christina. It is a struggle that makes you doubt your beauty, your self-worth, lowers your self-esteem; while making you feel alone, ashamed and embarrassed. The disorder, which I have talked about to only a few, is Trichotillomania (TTM). More people suffer from TTM than Bipolar Disorder; however, TTM is very rarely talked about. It affects your physical appearance; which makes people not want to talk about it when we live in a society when our physical appearance is everything.
Between what I am learning from my Mrs. Colorado friends and in my psychology classes, I think it imporant to talk about this issue and bring it to everyone's attention. I have to give props to Miss Delaware, Kayla Martell, who suffers from alopecia and competed in the Miss Delaware USA Pageant a number of times without a wig before winning in 2010, wearing her wig. Miss Martell has brought alopecia to the public's awareness and I'm often amazed at how it takes someone in the spotlight to get attention on certain topics. My hope is that if someone reading this is struggling with their self-esteem, they will realize that no matter what their condition, appearance or circumstance; they are not alone and we each have our own issues and struggles and that regardless of what anyone else may think.....WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!
I leave you with Christina's "Beautiful" video and the link for more info on TTM.
Remember "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY."
http://www.trich.org/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM
Monday, May 9, 2011
Break the Cycle 5K Walk/Run
Just a reminder that the 1st Annual Break the Cycle Race Against Domestic Violence 5K Walk/Run is coming up on Saturday, June 18th. The race will start promptly at 9 a.m. at the Corner of Texas St. and Frontage Road in South Fork. Registration fee is $20 and each participant will receive a t-shirt. Prizes will be awarded for the top 3 finishers and drawings will also be held for prizes. The race will fund the San Luis Valley Break the Cycle Scholarship to be given to a San Luis Valley senior, who has maintained a minimum 3.0 GPA, has been accepted to a 4 year college or university and has submitted an essay on dating/domestic violence.
Great prizes to compete for:
$75 Gift Certificate to Old Cow Town in Saguache - http://www.oldcowtowncolorado.com/
$50 Gift Certificate to Old Cow Town in Saguache - http://www.oldcowtowncolorado.com/
$25 Gift Certificate to Old Cow Town in Saguache - http://www.oldcowtowncolorado.com/
$25 Gift Certificate to Kip's Grille in Creede - www.kipsgrill.com/creede-contact-map/
Gift Certificate from Miche Bag (Val Grubb) - http://www.michebag.com/
Piece of Jewelry from Silpada (Marian Thompson) - http://www.silpada.com/
Sunglasses by RedStar - http://www.redstargiftcard.com/
Contact me today for more information and/or to register @ mrsslv2010@hotmail.com.
Great prizes to compete for:
$75 Gift Certificate to Old Cow Town in Saguache - http://www.oldcowtowncolorado.com/
$50 Gift Certificate to Old Cow Town in Saguache - http://www.oldcowtowncolorado.com/
$25 Gift Certificate to Old Cow Town in Saguache - http://www.oldcowtowncolorado.com/
$25 Gift Certificate to Kip's Grille in Creede - www.kipsgrill.com/creede-contact-map/
Gift Certificate from Miche Bag (Val Grubb) - http://www.michebag.com/
Piece of Jewelry from Silpada (Marian Thompson) - http://www.silpada.com/
Sunglasses by RedStar - http://www.redstargiftcard.com/
Contact me today for more information and/or to register @ mrsslv2010@hotmail.com.
Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Advocate Training
In April I attended a victim advocate training in Archuletta County. This training gave me so much insight on being an advocate, laws, court processes and how to assist victims of crimes and disasters.
Here is some information, facts and statistics I took away from the class that could benefit those of you who are in a violent relationship or know someone who is.
“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” Charles Jones.
Here is some information, facts and statistics I took away from the class that could benefit those of you who are in a violent relationship or know someone who is.
- Domestic Violence occurs between "intimate" partners (i.e.: spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, significant other)
- "Domestic Violence means an act or threatened act of violence upon a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship. "Domestic Violence" also includes any other crime against a person or property or any municipal ordinance violation against a person or against propert, when used as a method of coercion, control, punishment, intimidation, or revenge against a person with whom the actor is or has been involvd in an intimate relationship. (Please note that description uses the words IS and HAS BEEN....therefore, even if you are no longer in a relationship, if you had an intimate relationship, this constitutes domestic violence.)
- "Intimate Relationship" means a relationship between spouses, former spouses, past or present unmarried couples, or persons who are both the parents of the same child, regardless of whether the persons have been married or have lived together at any time or not.
- Family Violence occurs between family members (i.e.: child abuse, child's abuse of a parent, child's abuse of another child in the family)
- Sex can be consented to at the age of 15 in Colorado, except: 1) when there is 4 or more years difference in age (i.e.: a 19 year old cannot have sex with a 15 year old) 2) when the youngest partner is under the age of 18, the older partner cannot be more than 10 years older 3) a person cannot enter into a sexual relationship with someone under the age of 18, even if he/she is within the legal age limits, if he/she is in a position of trust, power or authority (i.e.: teacher, law enforcement, counselor, etc).
- 3 women are murdered by their significant other (husband/boyfriend) every day.
- 324,000 pregnant women are abused annually and abuse results in 2/3 of birth defects.
- 1 out of 12 women are stalked by a partner.
- 40% of girls 14-17 know someone who has been beaten by a boyfriend.
- 8 million children witness domestic violence every year.
- 44% of homeless women, report it is due to domestic violence.
- 60% of homeless women in Colorado, report it is due to domestic violence.
- In 85% of domestic violence cases, the male is the primary aggressor and in 15% of cases, the woman is the primary aggressor.
- Intimidation - Making partner afraid by using looks, actions, gestures; smashing things; destroying partner's property; abusing pets; displaying weapons
- Emotional Abuse - Putting partner down; making partner feel bad about self; calling partner names; making partner think he/she is crazy; playing mind games; humiliating partner; making partner feel guilty
- Isolation - Controlling what partner does, who partner sees and talks to, what partner reads, where partner goes; limiting partners outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions
- Minimizing, Denying & Blaming - Making light of the abuse and not taking partner's concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying partner caused it
- Children - Making partner feel guilty about the children; using the children to relay messages; using visitation to harass partner; threatening to take the children away
- Male Privilege - Treating her like a servant; making all the big decisions; acting like the "master of the castle"; being the one to define men's and women's roles
- Economic Abuse - Preventing partner from getting or keeping a job; making partner ask for money; giving partner an allowance; taking partner's money; not letting partner know about or have access to family income
- Coercion & Threats - Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to harm partner; threatening to leave partner, commit suicide, report partner to welfare; making partner drop charges; making partner do illegal things
- THE RIGHT to be treated with fairness, respect, dignity and to be free from intimidation, harassment or abuse throughout the criminal justice process.
- THE RIGHT to know when an offender escapes or is released from custody.
- THE RIGHT to be informed of and present for all critical stages of the criminal justice process.
- THE RIGHT to be heard at bond reduction/modification of hearings, the acceptance of a negotiation plea, or the sentencing of a defendant.
- THE RIGHT to confer with the prosecution prior to disposition and to be informed of the final disposition.
- THE RIGHT to be informed of the status of any case and any scheduling changes if known in advance.
- THE RIGHT to inform the Court, in writing or orally, of the harm the victim sustained.
- THE RIGHT to have the Court order restitution for losses.
- THE RIGHT to be informed of the victim's right to pursue a civil judgement against any person convicted of a crime against a victim.
- THE RIGHT to be informed of and heard at any post-conviction release hearing.
- THE RIGHT to prompt return of property held as evidence.
- THE RIGHT to be informed of the availability of financial assistance and community services.
- THE RIGHT to be informed about what steps to take if there is any intimidation or harassment.
- THE RIGHT to be provided with appropriate employer intercession services.
- THE RIGHT to a swift and fair resolution of the criminal proceedings.
- THE RIGHT to be provided to a secure waiting area during court proceedings.
- THE RIGHT to be informed when an inmate is transferred to a minimal security facility or a community corrections facility.
- Must disclose fully the history of physical and psycholgoical abuse towards partner and children. Must do so without denial and minimization.
- Must recognize and admit that all abusive behavior is unacceptable. No victim blaming or justification.
- Must recognize that behavior is chosen. No excuses like: drunk, stressed, abused as a child, etc.
- Must show empathy for actions and effects on the victim/kids. Must be beyond "I know I hurt him/her" to accepting the long term affects of behavior.
- Must identify his/her pattern of abuse and control and identify his/her attitudes of entitlement. Identify how he/she uses control in day to day situations. Identify how he/she uses children in his/her control/abuse.
- Must have a respectful behavior and attitude; meets his/her financial responsibilities to his/her children, treats partner as an equal, puts children's needs first, accepts partner's right to get angry.
- Must reevaluate his/her negative image of his/her partner.
- Must make amends - short and long term. Develop a sense of indebtedness.
- Must accept all consequences of his/her actions. Accepts that the consequences are justified and earned.
- Must commit to not repeating the abuse - unconditionally.
- Must accept thaat change is a life-long process.
- Must be willing to be accountable. Agree to structures that answer to his/her commitment of change (i.e. probation, visitation, reconciliation parameters set by partner, etc.).
“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” Charles Jones.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
1st Annual Break the Cycle Race against Domestic Violence
I am starting a scholarship which will be given to a San Luis Valley senior on an annual basis. Criteria for the scholarship is that the student has a minimum 3.0 GPA, has been accepted to a 4 year college/university, and submits an essay on dating/domestic violence (i.e.: how he/she has personally been effected, any experience, advocacy, etc.).
To raise money for this scholarship, I am teaming with some great sponsors to create an annual 5K run. This years race will be held on Saturday, June 18th at 9 a.m. in South Fork. The race will go from Texas St. & Frontage Road, around Beaver Mountain Estates and back to Texas St. Entry fee is $20 with awards given to the top 3 finishers. All participants will receive a Annual t-shirt.
Contact me at mrsslv2010@hotmail.com for more information or to register.
Hope to see you there!!!!!
To raise money for this scholarship, I am teaming with some great sponsors to create an annual 5K run. This years race will be held on Saturday, June 18th at 9 a.m. in South Fork. The race will go from Texas St. & Frontage Road, around Beaver Mountain Estates and back to Texas St. Entry fee is $20 with awards given to the top 3 finishers. All participants will receive a Annual t-shirt.
Contact me at mrsslv2010@hotmail.com for more information or to register.
Hope to see you there!!!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Born This Way
Many of you have probably heard the new hit single by Lady Gaga, Born This Way. This has been playing in my car for days now. I just love the message of this song and think it can be applied to every person in any situation. We are sometimes our biggest critics and can always find something that we don't like about ourselves. What I love about this song is that regardless of what the problem or situation (i.e. mental disorders, birth defects, sexuality, skin color, heatlh issues, marital issues, etc.) you are being told to love yourself for who you are. The song is basically telling you to be yourself and love yourself and not try to spend too much time trying to impress others. This is something we as humans tend to due....try to make others like us or try to impress others. We have this inate desire to be accepted and feel powerless, worthless and useless if we aren't. This song is great because the message is accept who you are and love yourself for it.
I personally believe many of us end up in violent relationships because we are so busy trying to be accepted that we aren't always aware of or paying attention too the warning signs. All we are concerned with is the fact that someone is giving us attention, accepting us, and loving us. I believe before we can ever truly love another person romantically, we must first love and accept ourselves for who we are. And when we learn to love and accept ourselves as we are, we will be able to leave those violent relationships or avoid them altogether.
If you haven't heard the song, here are the lyrics and a link to the audio video. I was going to post the video, but Gaga can get kind of out there and some could find it disturbing. If you want to view the video you can search it on youtube.
Born This Way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4a8QtvOkBQ
It doesn't matter if you love him
Or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
Because you were born this way baby
My momma told me when I was young
We're all born superstars
She pulled my hand and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudier
There's nothing wrong with lovin who you are
She said, because he made you perfect babe
Hold your head up girl and you'll go far
Listen to me when I say
(Chorus)
I'm beautiful in my way
Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and your set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby I wa born this way
I'm on the right track
Baby I was born this way
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Don't be
Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (love needs faith)
Chorus
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Whether your broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
Cause baby you were born this way
No matter gay, straight or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to be brave
Chorus
I personally believe many of us end up in violent relationships because we are so busy trying to be accepted that we aren't always aware of or paying attention too the warning signs. All we are concerned with is the fact that someone is giving us attention, accepting us, and loving us. I believe before we can ever truly love another person romantically, we must first love and accept ourselves for who we are. And when we learn to love and accept ourselves as we are, we will be able to leave those violent relationships or avoid them altogether.
If you haven't heard the song, here are the lyrics and a link to the audio video. I was going to post the video, but Gaga can get kind of out there and some could find it disturbing. If you want to view the video you can search it on youtube.
Born This Way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4a8QtvOkBQ
It doesn't matter if you love him
Or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
Because you were born this way baby
My momma told me when I was young
We're all born superstars
She pulled my hand and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudier
There's nothing wrong with lovin who you are
She said, because he made you perfect babe
Hold your head up girl and you'll go far
Listen to me when I say
(Chorus)
I'm beautiful in my way
Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and your set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby I wa born this way
I'm on the right track
Baby I was born this way
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Don't be
Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (love needs faith)
Chorus
Don't be a drag just be a queen
Whether your broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
Cause baby you were born this way
No matter gay, straight or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to be brave
Chorus
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Anger and Forgiveness
Anger and Forgiveness....
These are two things I've been thinking a great deal about for the past few days; as well as how the two effect me and make me interact/react to other people. The Mrs. Colorado Pageant and the ladies I met there helped me to see what a difference it is to live in anger and how your life can change when you choose to forgive (these ladies probably don't even realize they have done that for me). I'm sure many of you are wondering, "What's she talking about?" I've held on to a great deal of anger towards a number of people in my life...some of this anger, for over 20 years....anger towards relatives, anger towards classmates, anger towards ex-boyfriends, anger towards my ex-husband, anger towards my in-laws, and so forth. I really got to thinking about how angry I have been and was as a person after hearing a lecture at our pageant luncheon. What I took from the lecture was it is not another person's responsibility to make me happy or unhappy, I am the only person who can make me unhappy and I am the only person who can make me happy. I realized that all the anger I had inside towards all these people was changing who I was and how unhappy I had become. All this anger was causing problems with my relationships with other people. I found myself only calling my best friends to vent about someone who had made me mad and I had become short and moody with my husband and daughter. Those who know about the situations which caused my anger, would probably tell me, "You have reason to be angry." And while I may have reason to be angry, I also have reason to be happy; which requires forgiveness. The Bible tells us:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20)
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-7)
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8)
And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful (2 Timothy 2:24)
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9)
I had been angry with so many people for so long, that I was seeing the anger in every aspect of my life. After an eye opening lecture and a lot of thinking, I realized why I had such a peaceful and calm experience (something I haven't had in a long time) at the Mrs. Colorado Pageant.....for a week, I forgot about my anger. I was not angry at any of these women and I was able to strongly focus on building new relationships with these ladies. I was having such a great time getting to know this amazing group of women, that I forgot about my anger and those I had been angry with. Since being home, I realized that it is not good for myself, my husband, my daughter or our relationships for me to walk around angry all the time. While driving to the counseling center I am working at for school on Monday, I kept asking myself, "How do I eliminate the anger?" The answer finally hit me...FORGIVENESS. I must be willing to forgive every person who ever did me wrong, who ever hurt me (physically, emotionally, or spiritually), who ever turned against me, who wasn't there for me, who betrayed me, and so forth. Trust me, forgiving someone is hard to do. There are some people that I can't help but think, "What this person did was so horrible, I can't forgive them." But that's not true. You can choose to forgive anyone for anything, regardless of how big or small the issue/situation may be. Forgiveness is a choice and we must be willing to forgive in order to overcome the anger. I'm not saying that forgiving means staying in an unhealthy or unsafe situation, it just means that we are to be the bigger person by being willing to forgive the person(s) who hurt us. You can turn an abusive husband/boyfriend in to the authorities or eliminate someone who betrayed you from your life and still show forgiveness. Forgiving doesn't mean not holding them responsible, it just means that you are doing the right thing in your heart for you and your faith and showing others that regardless of what you've gone through, you ultimately have the choice to forgive someone. God has forgiven us and the Bible tells us, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13) Without forgiveness, we walk around angry; as I have for many years. I decided that I am going to forgive....this is going to be the one thing I master (so Emily, if you ask next year, "What word describes an area of your life you have mastered?"....my response is going to be Forgiveness). I am going to master forgiving others and living my life by example, not as a result of how I have been treated or hurt. We can overcome anger and begin the process of forgiveness and healing by following these four simple steps, which the Lord calls us to do:
(1) Be Merciful, (2) Overlook the Sins of Others, (3) Do Not Take Revenge, (4) Treat People with Love and Grace
I chose to write on this topic today because being a victim of dating or domestic violence can cause anger and if you carry that anger with you, it can negatively effect your relationships with your friends, family, children, future boyfriends/husbands; as well as other relationships and areas of your life. If you hold on to too much anger, it can effect your work, your attitude, your mental state, and your health. Holding on to anger towards an abuser, continues to give that person power over you. Only when you can offer forgiveness to your abuser, will you experience true freedom and happiness.
I have made a commitment to myself and my family, that I am not going to hold on to my anger any longer. I am going to practice forgiveness and have even begun taking the first steps to getting there (which came as a shock to my husband when I told him how I intended on doing this). I've learned that anger only holds us back from our true potential and happiness and I am choosing to move forward, forgive, and be happy. I pray that you'll do the same.
I leave you with this song and video by Leann Rimes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZhNQDab7Jg
These are two things I've been thinking a great deal about for the past few days; as well as how the two effect me and make me interact/react to other people. The Mrs. Colorado Pageant and the ladies I met there helped me to see what a difference it is to live in anger and how your life can change when you choose to forgive (these ladies probably don't even realize they have done that for me). I'm sure many of you are wondering, "What's she talking about?" I've held on to a great deal of anger towards a number of people in my life...some of this anger, for over 20 years....anger towards relatives, anger towards classmates, anger towards ex-boyfriends, anger towards my ex-husband, anger towards my in-laws, and so forth. I really got to thinking about how angry I have been and was as a person after hearing a lecture at our pageant luncheon. What I took from the lecture was it is not another person's responsibility to make me happy or unhappy, I am the only person who can make me unhappy and I am the only person who can make me happy. I realized that all the anger I had inside towards all these people was changing who I was and how unhappy I had become. All this anger was causing problems with my relationships with other people. I found myself only calling my best friends to vent about someone who had made me mad and I had become short and moody with my husband and daughter. Those who know about the situations which caused my anger, would probably tell me, "You have reason to be angry." And while I may have reason to be angry, I also have reason to be happy; which requires forgiveness. The Bible tells us:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20)
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-7)
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8)
And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful (2 Timothy 2:24)
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9)
I had been angry with so many people for so long, that I was seeing the anger in every aspect of my life. After an eye opening lecture and a lot of thinking, I realized why I had such a peaceful and calm experience (something I haven't had in a long time) at the Mrs. Colorado Pageant.....for a week, I forgot about my anger. I was not angry at any of these women and I was able to strongly focus on building new relationships with these ladies. I was having such a great time getting to know this amazing group of women, that I forgot about my anger and those I had been angry with. Since being home, I realized that it is not good for myself, my husband, my daughter or our relationships for me to walk around angry all the time. While driving to the counseling center I am working at for school on Monday, I kept asking myself, "How do I eliminate the anger?" The answer finally hit me...FORGIVENESS. I must be willing to forgive every person who ever did me wrong, who ever hurt me (physically, emotionally, or spiritually), who ever turned against me, who wasn't there for me, who betrayed me, and so forth. Trust me, forgiving someone is hard to do. There are some people that I can't help but think, "What this person did was so horrible, I can't forgive them." But that's not true. You can choose to forgive anyone for anything, regardless of how big or small the issue/situation may be. Forgiveness is a choice and we must be willing to forgive in order to overcome the anger. I'm not saying that forgiving means staying in an unhealthy or unsafe situation, it just means that we are to be the bigger person by being willing to forgive the person(s) who hurt us. You can turn an abusive husband/boyfriend in to the authorities or eliminate someone who betrayed you from your life and still show forgiveness. Forgiving doesn't mean not holding them responsible, it just means that you are doing the right thing in your heart for you and your faith and showing others that regardless of what you've gone through, you ultimately have the choice to forgive someone. God has forgiven us and the Bible tells us, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13) Without forgiveness, we walk around angry; as I have for many years. I decided that I am going to forgive....this is going to be the one thing I master (so Emily, if you ask next year, "What word describes an area of your life you have mastered?"....my response is going to be Forgiveness). I am going to master forgiving others and living my life by example, not as a result of how I have been treated or hurt. We can overcome anger and begin the process of forgiveness and healing by following these four simple steps, which the Lord calls us to do:
(1) Be Merciful, (2) Overlook the Sins of Others, (3) Do Not Take Revenge, (4) Treat People with Love and Grace
I chose to write on this topic today because being a victim of dating or domestic violence can cause anger and if you carry that anger with you, it can negatively effect your relationships with your friends, family, children, future boyfriends/husbands; as well as other relationships and areas of your life. If you hold on to too much anger, it can effect your work, your attitude, your mental state, and your health. Holding on to anger towards an abuser, continues to give that person power over you. Only when you can offer forgiveness to your abuser, will you experience true freedom and happiness.
I have made a commitment to myself and my family, that I am not going to hold on to my anger any longer. I am going to practice forgiveness and have even begun taking the first steps to getting there (which came as a shock to my husband when I told him how I intended on doing this). I've learned that anger only holds us back from our true potential and happiness and I am choosing to move forward, forgive, and be happy. I pray that you'll do the same.
I leave you with this song and video by Leann Rimes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZhNQDab7Jg
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Mrs. Colorado 2011 Pageant
I had the most amazing experience this week, as I participated in the 2011 Mrs. Colorado Pageant. While I did not place in the top 15, which was my goal, I had a wonderful time and wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I met some amazing women and made some great friends, I was inspired by the other title holders and previous Mrs. Colorado's, and I gained a great deal of knowledge about myself. I will be forever grateful to Emily Stark for giving me the opportunity to represent my area in this year's pageant and to everyone else who was there this weekend for what they taught me and what I experienced. I also appreciate the recognition I received from Emily during our orientation, in which she gave me an award for "Title Holder of the Year"; that really meant a lot.
I enjoyed this experience so much, I believe that I'm going to apply to compete again for 2012 and was so inspired, that I have some ideas in my head of what I can do to help some people who have experience with domestic/dating violence and/or are advocates against domestic violence. My mind is spinning right now with all the things I want to do. For any of my readers who are married and live in Colorado, if you want an experience of a lifetime, visit the Mrs. Colorado website and contact Emily about competing...the experience alone is worth it. I PROMISE!!!
I enjoyed this experience so much, I believe that I'm going to apply to compete again for 2012 and was so inspired, that I have some ideas in my head of what I can do to help some people who have experience with domestic/dating violence and/or are advocates against domestic violence. My mind is spinning right now with all the things I want to do. For any of my readers who are married and live in Colorado, if you want an experience of a lifetime, visit the Mrs. Colorado website and contact Emily about competing...the experience alone is worth it. I PROMISE!!!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Just Some Thoughts
Sorry I haven't posted as much as I would have liked to this month. My daughter and I were both incredibly sick with whatever is going around for about a week and I'm finally starting feel normal again.
I was sitting here at my desk thinking about what I need to be doing this coming week and realized that one week from today, I will be competing in the preliminary round of the Mrs. Colorado Pageant. WOW!!!! Where have the past six months gone?!? It's hard to believe the pageant is already here. I'm so excited and looking forward to all the wonderful people I'll be meeting next week.
I'll also be hosting next Tuesday, March 1st from 6-8 p.m. at the San Luis Valley Brewing Company, so stop by and say hello if you are in Alamosa.
Now on to some more important information...
I was driving home last night from a meeting and a Martina McBride song came on the radio that made me realize that while I've been addressing dating and domestic violence from an adult perspective and aiming what I've been doing at how it affects "adults", I have forgotten to discuss another very important issue within domestic violence and that is child abuse. Often times, domestic violence trickles down to affect the children within a relationship and that often results in the abuse of the child or children.
Below are some alarming statistics on child abuse I took from National Child Abuse Statistics (www.childhelp.org):
I leave you with the song that brought this topic to mind for me last night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtNYA4pAGjI
I was sitting here at my desk thinking about what I need to be doing this coming week and realized that one week from today, I will be competing in the preliminary round of the Mrs. Colorado Pageant. WOW!!!! Where have the past six months gone?!? It's hard to believe the pageant is already here. I'm so excited and looking forward to all the wonderful people I'll be meeting next week.
I'll also be hosting next Tuesday, March 1st from 6-8 p.m. at the San Luis Valley Brewing Company, so stop by and say hello if you are in Alamosa.
Now on to some more important information...
I was driving home last night from a meeting and a Martina McBride song came on the radio that made me realize that while I've been addressing dating and domestic violence from an adult perspective and aiming what I've been doing at how it affects "adults", I have forgotten to discuss another very important issue within domestic violence and that is child abuse. Often times, domestic violence trickles down to affect the children within a relationship and that often results in the abuse of the child or children.
Below are some alarming statistics on child abuse I took from National Child Abuse Statistics (www.childhelp.org):
- In 2007, 5.8 million children were involved in 3.2 million child abuse reports and allegations (nationally).
- A report of child abuse is made every 10 seconds.
- Almost 5 children die every day as a result of child abuse (this number has increased by nearly 2 children per day since 1995).
- 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator and 68% are abused by family members.
- 31% of women in U.S. prisons report being abused as children.
- 14% of men in U.S. prisons report being abused as children.
- Children who experience child abuse are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit a violent crime.
- Over 60% of people in drug rehab centers report being abused as a child.
- About 30% of abused children will abuse their own children.
- Abused children are 25% more likely to experience teen pregnancy.
- Abused teens are 3 times less likely to practice safe sex.
- Children who are sexually abused are 2.5 times more likely abuse alcohol and 3.8 times more likely to develop drug addictions.
- Neglect is the most common form of child abuse (59% of cases) followed by: Variety of other abuse (17.4%), physical abuse (10.8%), sexual abuse (7.6%), psychological maltreatment (4.2%), and medical neglect (0.9%).
- No one has the right to abuse you.
- You don't deserve to be abused.
- If you are being abused, you are a victim.
- It's not your fault.
- It is wrong for you to go through this and made to feel the way you do.
- You are not alone.
- Sometimes abusers scare or threaten you so you won't tell.
- There are people who care about you and want to help you.
- Tell someone you trust (i.e.: parent, teacher, pastor, counselor, neighbor, school nurse, family friend, friend's parent, etc.)
- Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD to talk to a counselor 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.
I leave you with the song that brought this topic to mind for me last night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtNYA4pAGjI
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Tiara Time
While this blog has nothing really to do with domestic or dating violence, I thought this could be of interest to all the mothers out there.
The Mrs. Colorado Pageant Director (Emily Stark) emailed the pageant contestants a newsletter that contained some information on a book she had picked up at the library. One of the chapters was entitled "Tiara Time". The book described tiara time as 'a time of day that was all her own, a time when the children were required to participate in silent, independent study and not allowed to bother her at all.'
Do you have a "Tiara Time"? Do you set aside time in your busy day just for you? What is it that you enjoy doing alone? Reading? Taking a bubble bath? Going for a walk?
As mothers, we all feel that need to stay busy with work, being a wife/girlfriend, being a mother and so forth. We often times forget to take time for ourselves. In counseling we are required to do something called self-care to prevent burnout. The same is true for mothers. I encourage you to set aside a time during the day, whether it is 10 minutes or an hour, that is just for you and no one is to bother you.
My tiara time is soaking in a nice bath and enjoying a book or magazine (there is a basket of Cosmo's and Psychology Today magazines next to the tub...LOL).
The Mrs. Colorado Pageant Director (Emily Stark) emailed the pageant contestants a newsletter that contained some information on a book she had picked up at the library. One of the chapters was entitled "Tiara Time". The book described tiara time as 'a time of day that was all her own, a time when the children were required to participate in silent, independent study and not allowed to bother her at all.'
Do you have a "Tiara Time"? Do you set aside time in your busy day just for you? What is it that you enjoy doing alone? Reading? Taking a bubble bath? Going for a walk?
As mothers, we all feel that need to stay busy with work, being a wife/girlfriend, being a mother and so forth. We often times forget to take time for ourselves. In counseling we are required to do something called self-care to prevent burnout. The same is true for mothers. I encourage you to set aside a time during the day, whether it is 10 minutes or an hour, that is just for you and no one is to bother you.
My tiara time is soaking in a nice bath and enjoying a book or magazine (there is a basket of Cosmo's and Psychology Today magazines next to the tub...LOL).
Monday, February 7, 2011
Listening to Others
In my experience, listening to former girlfriends or spouses of your partner is a good indicator of what kind of boyfriend or spouse that person will be (or can be). It's something no one wants to hear, that your boyfriend or spouse has been abusive to another woman. My reaction when I was told that someone I was dating was abusive..."this woman is just jealous because I'm with him now and she wishes she could be with him again." Little did I know, this woman was actually trying to look out for me. She told me about her experience with this man and I blew her off. My relationship with him wasn't like that. He would never push or hit me. He would never do anything to harm me. That was what I kept telling myself. However, after over two years of dating, it happened....the first push. That was the beginning of the abusive relationship I was in and I had been warned.
With that being said, if someone tells you that he or she has been abused by an ex-boyfriend or husband, look for signs that the relationship you are in could be or end up abusive:
Isolation: Is your boyfriend or husband keeping you away from your family and friends or limiting the time you spend with others outside of your relationship?
Change in Emotions: Have you gone from happy when you're with your boyfriend/husband to sad and depressed in your relationship?
Constant Communication: Does your boyfriend/husband have to be in constant communication with you (calling/texting) and gets upset if you don't answer or respond immediately? Does he always want to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing?
Jealousy: Does your boyfriend/husband become upset if you mention another guys name, whether it's a friend or colleague? Does he get upset when you want to spend time with your girlfriends? Did he tell you he loved you early on in the relationship to keep you under his emotional control?
Background: Does your boyfriend/husband come from a tragic home life? Did his parents abuse drugs or alcohol? Was he abused as a child? What have previous partners told you about him?
Need to Impress: Is he telling you how to dress, cut your hair, what to eat, who to be friends with? Do you feel like he won't leave you or will leave you if you don't do what he suggests?
Making Excuses: Do you find yourself defending your boyfriend/husband's statements or actions?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you could be in an abusive relationship and should take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship and situation.
I leave you with a really great song a friend introduced me to by Christina Aguilera and another good one by Katy Perry:
This song gives me chill bumps (Christina Aguilera - Oh Mother)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_BZQ77akOg
(Katy Perry - Pearl)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6Y4y6ka3y4&feature=fvwrel
With that being said, if someone tells you that he or she has been abused by an ex-boyfriend or husband, look for signs that the relationship you are in could be or end up abusive:
Isolation: Is your boyfriend or husband keeping you away from your family and friends or limiting the time you spend with others outside of your relationship?
Change in Emotions: Have you gone from happy when you're with your boyfriend/husband to sad and depressed in your relationship?
Constant Communication: Does your boyfriend/husband have to be in constant communication with you (calling/texting) and gets upset if you don't answer or respond immediately? Does he always want to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing?
Jealousy: Does your boyfriend/husband become upset if you mention another guys name, whether it's a friend or colleague? Does he get upset when you want to spend time with your girlfriends? Did he tell you he loved you early on in the relationship to keep you under his emotional control?
Background: Does your boyfriend/husband come from a tragic home life? Did his parents abuse drugs or alcohol? Was he abused as a child? What have previous partners told you about him?
Need to Impress: Is he telling you how to dress, cut your hair, what to eat, who to be friends with? Do you feel like he won't leave you or will leave you if you don't do what he suggests?
Making Excuses: Do you find yourself defending your boyfriend/husband's statements or actions?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you could be in an abusive relationship and should take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship and situation.
I leave you with a really great song a friend introduced me to by Christina Aguilera and another good one by Katy Perry:
This song gives me chill bumps (Christina Aguilera - Oh Mother)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_BZQ77akOg
(Katy Perry - Pearl)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6Y4y6ka3y4&feature=fvwrel
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Dating Violence Awareness Month
I can't believe it is already February. It feels as if the year just began.
I have to say, February is one of my favorite months (and not just because I own a florist...LOL). When I hear February, the romantic in me thinks of Valentine's Day, romance, chocolates, roses, candle lit dinners, and love. However, February is not just a month dedicated to romance and love, it is also a month dedicated to the awareness of something that until recently has not been given a lot of recognition...Dating Violence.
I can personally remember the first time I saw anything about dating violence in the media. It was Valentine's Day Week and the day after the 2009 Grammy Awards. Does anyone know what I'm referring to? The most publicized dating violence case of the decade, which involved pop stars Rhianna and Chris Brown. Shortly after the allegations that Chris Brown had beaten Rhianna after a pre-Grammy party, photos were released of the young pop star with bruised eyes, cuts all over her face, and swollen lips. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship themselves would want to cringe when looking at these photos. The thought that "this was me, this is what I could have looked like had I not ended the relationship, and this could have been so much worse" crossed my mind when looking at these photos.
Looking at this photo today, I can only imagine what was going through the mind of this pop star turned Cover Girl model as the man she loved did this to her. At the time of this incident, Rhianna was 20 and Chris was 19. Abuse does not happen to only those who are married, living together, old, poor, or whatever other kind of people you may be thinking this happens to. Abuse occurs regardless of your relationships, age, social status, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, and so on. Abuse does not discriminate against anyone!!!
Here are some Dating Violence statistics I found that will help you avoid or recognize a violent dating relationship:
For more information on Dating Violence, visit www.acadv.org/dating.html.
If you are in need of help or have a friend in need of help call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-650-6522.
I have to say, February is one of my favorite months (and not just because I own a florist...LOL). When I hear February, the romantic in me thinks of Valentine's Day, romance, chocolates, roses, candle lit dinners, and love. However, February is not just a month dedicated to romance and love, it is also a month dedicated to the awareness of something that until recently has not been given a lot of recognition...Dating Violence.
I can personally remember the first time I saw anything about dating violence in the media. It was Valentine's Day Week and the day after the 2009 Grammy Awards. Does anyone know what I'm referring to? The most publicized dating violence case of the decade, which involved pop stars Rhianna and Chris Brown. Shortly after the allegations that Chris Brown had beaten Rhianna after a pre-Grammy party, photos were released of the young pop star with bruised eyes, cuts all over her face, and swollen lips. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship themselves would want to cringe when looking at these photos. The thought that "this was me, this is what I could have looked like had I not ended the relationship, and this could have been so much worse" crossed my mind when looking at these photos.
Looking at this photo today, I can only imagine what was going through the mind of this pop star turned Cover Girl model as the man she loved did this to her. At the time of this incident, Rhianna was 20 and Chris was 19. Abuse does not happen to only those who are married, living together, old, poor, or whatever other kind of people you may be thinking this happens to. Abuse occurs regardless of your relationships, age, social status, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, and so on. Abuse does not discriminate against anyone!!!
Here are some Dating Violence statistics I found that will help you avoid or recognize a violent dating relationship:
- 1 in 4 adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse every year.
- 1 in 5 adolescents report being in emotionally abused.
- 1 in 5 high school aged girls have been physically or sexually abused by someone they were dating.
- 54% of high school students report dating violence among their peers.
- 1 in 3 teens report having a friend who has been abused by a dating partner.
- 80% of teens believe verbal abuse among their age is a problem.
- Nearly 80% of girls who have been abused by their partner continue the relationship.
- 20% of teenage girls have been involved in a relationship in which a dating partner has threatened violence to her or himself in the event of a break-up.
- 70% of young women who have been raped knew their rapists....a boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, friend, or acquaintance.
- The majority of teen dating abuse occurs in the home of one of the partners.
For more information on Dating Violence, visit www.acadv.org/dating.html.
If you are in need of help or have a friend in need of help call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-650-6522.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Random Thoughts
I can't believe it's 2011 already. Where has the time gone???
Before I get started with this blog, absent minded me just realized that I left out two large events that I participated in during December 2010: Stuffed Stocking Gala & Auction and the SLV Food & Accessory Drive.
I had a blast working the Stuffed Stocking Gala & Auction for the Del Norte Chamber of Commerce and other non-profits. The funds from the event go towards maintaining the Ruth Marie Center (a community building/center in Del Norte), the Del Norte Chamber of Commerce train car, and the Headwaters of the Upper Rio Grande. I helped out by modeling the items that were being auctioned off. It was so much fun working with this group of amazing people to raise over $10,000, which was split between the three organizations. One of the largest amounts of money brought in by one item was that of "Cake/Pie of the Month". I can't remember who the baker was, but this item brought over $400.00. That better be some good cake/pie. Everyone who knew her raved about her baking, so I'm sure it was well worth the price.
I also assisted "Mrs. Claus" (Peggy Hall) in collecting non-perishable food items and winter accessories during the Town of South Fork's 2010 Christmas Open House. We collected an absurd amount of food and clothing for families in the San Luis Valley who could not afford to have a nice Christmas dinner. I was amazed by everyone's generosity and support of this event. The food and accessories were divided among 10 families from Creede to Alamosa. Thank you to all who donated to this worthy cause and made Christmas a little better for those in need.
On another note...my husband and I worked a booth at the Denver International Sportsman Expo January 6-9 (well, he worked the 6-9, I worked 8-9). We had a great time seeing all the people who attended the four day expo and visiting with our good friend, Jarrett Edwards of Jarrett Edwards Outdoors. He has a fishing show on World Fishing Network and he has a great cause this year, in which he is donating his brand new fishing boat to a center for Vetrens and their families. On top of that, he's having people from all these expos who have served in the military sign the boat. What a great cause! We also got to watch the Cotton Bowl with another good friend who lives in Denver. It was great to get to hang out with Michael, who we hadn't seen since our wedding. I got a great deal of exercise over the weekend, walking from my hotel to the rail line and then downtown Denver. I have to say, I LOVE the 16th Street Mall area, especially when there is snow on the ground. The Monday following the expo, we flew out to spend a week in Texas. Thanks to the snow storm that came through over the weekend, our flight out of DIA was delayed, which caused us to miss our connecting flight in Salt Lake City. Four hours after arriving in Salt Lake City, we were able to get on a standby flight and finally arrived in Houston just in time to catch the National Championship Game. For Christmas, I purchased my husband, who is a Texas A&M graduate, basketball tickets to the A&M/Oklahoma State game this past Wednesday in College Station. We spent the majority of our trip in Magnolia with our friends, Chris & Kimberly (also A&M graduates). It always seems like we're always on the road when we are in Texas. On Tuesday, we drove from Magnolia to Angleton to visit my husband's grandfather and aunt, followed by a drive to Katy, where we spent the night with my husband's sister, husband, and their three kids. I have to say, my sister-in-law Heather and her husband Chandler are my heroes. They adopted newborn twin girls about 2 1/2 years ago, then adopted their newborn brother in June. Immediately after adopting the little boy, she found out she was pregnant and she is due next month. They are going to have four children under the age of 2 1/2. They are champs!!!!! Wednesday consisted of me dropping my husband back off in Magnolia and heading to Huntsville to grab lunch with one of my childhood girlfriends and then to my hometown of Teague, where I met up with another childhood girlfriend and spent the night with my grandparents; while my husband and Chris attended the basketball game in College Station and then had to make a visit to "The Chicken". Those of you who know about College Station and A&M understand how "important" visiting the chicken is. LOL. Thursday my husband hung out with Chris, I drove back to Magnolia from Teague and did some shopping. Friday we met up with Chris' parents, who are amazing people, for dinner and got to see their gorgeous home. I soooo want a "theater room" in my next home. :-) Saturday was our last full day in Texas and I wasn't leaving until I had some Baskin Robbins. Living in South Fork, I don't get it often enough.....love me some Daquari Ice. So after driving all over the Woodlands looking for Baskin Robbins and a way to keep some Antelope we had sausages made out of cold, we headed to Spring where we met my aunt, uncle, and cousins for dinner at HB Japanese Steakhouse. It was delicious. Being in the city makes me miss good food and entertainment that we don't have in South Fork. We were up at 4 a.m. Sunday morning (after me not getting any sleep the night before between my husband's snoring and the neighbor's barking dog) and headed to the airport. I was very relieved when we made it to South Fork and I was able to pick up my baby girl from my parents. 10 days was the longest I've ever been without her and I think we were both going through withdrawals. LOL
All in all, we had a great trip; but it is good to be back home, in our own bed, and back into a routine.
Some other things to note:
I gave up my position as the Chamber President during our January board meeting. I took over the position of Vice-President, but didn't feel that I could put the time into the position of President with everything I have going on this year. I start my second year of grad school this coming Monday and am looking forward to what this semester holds. I'm working on getting into the schools during the month of February to promote Domestic Violence Awareness. February is National Dating Violence Awareness Month and since domestic violence tends to begin during the dating stages, I think it is important to speak to high school students on the topic.
One last thing.....
The sweetest things I've heard from my daughter in 2011:
"Mommy, I'm almost in first grade. I'm growing up." I responded, "I know, but I don't want you to grow up. I want you to be my little girl forever." She replies, "Mommy, I'll always be your little girl."
Regarding Martin Luther King Day - She had school on MLK Day, but her teacher chose to discuss with her class who he was and what he did. During this discussion, she asked her class what they were most thankful for, to which my daughter responded, "God and Jesus". She then asked them what positive changes they would like to see in the world, to which my daughter said she would like to see all the orphans in the world have a home.
It's hard to believe she's only 6 years old. She has such a loving, caring, and generous heart. I'm so proud of her and love her so much!!!!
Before I get started with this blog, absent minded me just realized that I left out two large events that I participated in during December 2010: Stuffed Stocking Gala & Auction and the SLV Food & Accessory Drive.
I had a blast working the Stuffed Stocking Gala & Auction for the Del Norte Chamber of Commerce and other non-profits. The funds from the event go towards maintaining the Ruth Marie Center (a community building/center in Del Norte), the Del Norte Chamber of Commerce train car, and the Headwaters of the Upper Rio Grande. I helped out by modeling the items that were being auctioned off. It was so much fun working with this group of amazing people to raise over $10,000, which was split between the three organizations. One of the largest amounts of money brought in by one item was that of "Cake/Pie of the Month". I can't remember who the baker was, but this item brought over $400.00. That better be some good cake/pie. Everyone who knew her raved about her baking, so I'm sure it was well worth the price.
I also assisted "Mrs. Claus" (Peggy Hall) in collecting non-perishable food items and winter accessories during the Town of South Fork's 2010 Christmas Open House. We collected an absurd amount of food and clothing for families in the San Luis Valley who could not afford to have a nice Christmas dinner. I was amazed by everyone's generosity and support of this event. The food and accessories were divided among 10 families from Creede to Alamosa. Thank you to all who donated to this worthy cause and made Christmas a little better for those in need.
On another note...my husband and I worked a booth at the Denver International Sportsman Expo January 6-9 (well, he worked the 6-9, I worked 8-9). We had a great time seeing all the people who attended the four day expo and visiting with our good friend, Jarrett Edwards of Jarrett Edwards Outdoors. He has a fishing show on World Fishing Network and he has a great cause this year, in which he is donating his brand new fishing boat to a center for Vetrens and their families. On top of that, he's having people from all these expos who have served in the military sign the boat. What a great cause! We also got to watch the Cotton Bowl with another good friend who lives in Denver. It was great to get to hang out with Michael, who we hadn't seen since our wedding. I got a great deal of exercise over the weekend, walking from my hotel to the rail line and then downtown Denver. I have to say, I LOVE the 16th Street Mall area, especially when there is snow on the ground. The Monday following the expo, we flew out to spend a week in Texas. Thanks to the snow storm that came through over the weekend, our flight out of DIA was delayed, which caused us to miss our connecting flight in Salt Lake City. Four hours after arriving in Salt Lake City, we were able to get on a standby flight and finally arrived in Houston just in time to catch the National Championship Game. For Christmas, I purchased my husband, who is a Texas A&M graduate, basketball tickets to the A&M/Oklahoma State game this past Wednesday in College Station. We spent the majority of our trip in Magnolia with our friends, Chris & Kimberly (also A&M graduates). It always seems like we're always on the road when we are in Texas. On Tuesday, we drove from Magnolia to Angleton to visit my husband's grandfather and aunt, followed by a drive to Katy, where we spent the night with my husband's sister, husband, and their three kids. I have to say, my sister-in-law Heather and her husband Chandler are my heroes. They adopted newborn twin girls about 2 1/2 years ago, then adopted their newborn brother in June. Immediately after adopting the little boy, she found out she was pregnant and she is due next month. They are going to have four children under the age of 2 1/2. They are champs!!!!! Wednesday consisted of me dropping my husband back off in Magnolia and heading to Huntsville to grab lunch with one of my childhood girlfriends and then to my hometown of Teague, where I met up with another childhood girlfriend and spent the night with my grandparents; while my husband and Chris attended the basketball game in College Station and then had to make a visit to "The Chicken". Those of you who know about College Station and A&M understand how "important" visiting the chicken is. LOL. Thursday my husband hung out with Chris, I drove back to Magnolia from Teague and did some shopping. Friday we met up with Chris' parents, who are amazing people, for dinner and got to see their gorgeous home. I soooo want a "theater room" in my next home. :-) Saturday was our last full day in Texas and I wasn't leaving until I had some Baskin Robbins. Living in South Fork, I don't get it often enough.....love me some Daquari Ice. So after driving all over the Woodlands looking for Baskin Robbins and a way to keep some Antelope we had sausages made out of cold, we headed to Spring where we met my aunt, uncle, and cousins for dinner at HB Japanese Steakhouse. It was delicious. Being in the city makes me miss good food and entertainment that we don't have in South Fork. We were up at 4 a.m. Sunday morning (after me not getting any sleep the night before between my husband's snoring and the neighbor's barking dog) and headed to the airport. I was very relieved when we made it to South Fork and I was able to pick up my baby girl from my parents. 10 days was the longest I've ever been without her and I think we were both going through withdrawals. LOL
All in all, we had a great trip; but it is good to be back home, in our own bed, and back into a routine.
Some other things to note:
I gave up my position as the Chamber President during our January board meeting. I took over the position of Vice-President, but didn't feel that I could put the time into the position of President with everything I have going on this year. I start my second year of grad school this coming Monday and am looking forward to what this semester holds. I'm working on getting into the schools during the month of February to promote Domestic Violence Awareness. February is National Dating Violence Awareness Month and since domestic violence tends to begin during the dating stages, I think it is important to speak to high school students on the topic.
One last thing.....
The sweetest things I've heard from my daughter in 2011:
"Mommy, I'm almost in first grade. I'm growing up." I responded, "I know, but I don't want you to grow up. I want you to be my little girl forever." She replies, "Mommy, I'll always be your little girl."
Regarding Martin Luther King Day - She had school on MLK Day, but her teacher chose to discuss with her class who he was and what he did. During this discussion, she asked her class what they were most thankful for, to which my daughter responded, "God and Jesus". She then asked them what positive changes they would like to see in the world, to which my daughter said she would like to see all the orphans in the world have a home.
It's hard to believe she's only 6 years old. She has such a loving, caring, and generous heart. I'm so proud of her and love her so much!!!!
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