Today's blog is something I've been wanting to write for a while, but have been putting it off. Well, today's the day to write it. In our society, we to often hear about women beaten to death or murdered by their spouse or dating partner. What we don't hear about often, is how many men out there are abused by their spouse or dating partner. We seem to look at women as the weaker sex and the one who needs help when it comes to domestic violence issues; however, there are men out their being abused as well and they need our help just as much as the women do.
A 1998 study by the Department of Justice shows that 834,732 men are abused annually, that's one man every 37.8 seconds in America. Data shows that men are more likely to have a knife used on them or to be threatened with a knife, hit with an objected, kicked, bitten or have something thrown at them; while women are more likely to be beaten up, threatened with a gun, choked, drowned, have their hair pulled, pushed, grabbed or shoved.
Here are some other statistics:
A University of Pennsylvania emergency room report found that 13% of men reported being abused by a female partner in the past 12 months.
30% of women (out of 1,000) in a California State University study admitted to assaulting a male partner.
Our society views women as the weaker sex and often looks at a women being violent in self-defense. That is not always the case however. Violence often begins by men and women in equal numbers; however, more women are willing to report the violence...even if they are the ones who initiated (as was the case with Minnesota Vikings quarterback, Warren Moon).
Studies have found that men who call the police to report domestic violence are three times more likely to be arrested than women.
Restraining orders at the time of arrest put men at a disadvantage: put them out of their home, keep them away from their children, etc. The legal system gives abusive wives and girlfriends tools to continue attacks even after the relationship has ended.
Abusive women can abuse men economically, by coercing the man to loan or giver her money, manipulating him for money, stealing from him...this can even include manipulating the man for material objects.
It seems to me that men and women are both equally at fault for dating/domestic violence incidents. I know women who were definitely the victims of DV and I also know men who are the victims. I also know people who when an argument occurs, they both escalate to even low levels of DV. Regardless, DV should not be accepted or started by a man or a woman. Physical altercations, name calling, monetary exploitations and so forth should not occur in a relationship. These are not healthy relationships and if we do not have a healthy relationship with our spouse, what are we teaching our children. As a man who abuses his wife, are you teaching your daughter it's okay to be abused and your son that it's okay to be the one to abuse their spouse or partner? As a woman who abuses, are you teaching your daughter it's okay to hit a man or call him names? Are you teaching your son it's okay to put up with a woman who does that to him? Our children learn from watching us. There is a saying, "Do as I say, not as I do"; well, children often times learn from watching and what they see is what they are going to do. I often hear people say, "What is wrong with these children these days?". Our children learn from watching us and if we aren't teaching them right from wrong, they are going to do the same things they are seeing. If we want our children to be respectful to their partners, we have to be respectful to ours. I'm not saying we can't have disagreements or arguments, but what I am saying, is to keep those disagreements and arguments civilized...no hitting, no pushing or shoving, no pulling hair, no biting, no name calling, and so forth.
I'm prompted to write this blog on men as victims because it is something that hits very close to home for me. There is nothing we can do as loved ones and friends to keep anyone out of a bad relationship, except to give them our love and support. Give them encouragement. Give them the information they need. And then...we have to let them make the decision to stay or leave for themselves. It is very difficult to watch your loved one stay in an unhealthy relationship. It hurts you as an outsider and makes you wonder what it is that makes this person willing to stay in this situation. I've personally learned that some of us are just stronger than others, some of us have a lower tolerance for what we will take from others, for some of us it is a matter of how much we respect and value ourselves and our loved ones. For whatever the reason, there are those of us who get out and those of us who stay in bad relationships.
Today, I pray that anyone male or female who finds themselves in an unhealthy relationship, will be given the courage and strength to get out of the relationship. I pray that those who are victims of dating/domestic violence will find enough love and respect for themselves to say, I deserve better than this. I pray that those who are the abusers will realize how much hurt and pain they have caused their partners and loved ones. I pray that the abusers will repent for their actions and vow to make changes in their lives in order to have a healthy relationship. Finally, I pray God's love, mercy and forgiveness on abusers and God's love, mercy and strength on the victims. Amen.
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