Many people believe that if they are in a relationship, especially married, that they cannot be sexually assaulted or that it is not sexual assault if their significant other forces sex on them. This perception is completely wrong. Sex, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not, MUST be consentual. A boyfriend or spouse does not have the right to force themselves on you simply because you are in a relationship. NO means NO regardless of how long you have known each other or have been together.
Sexual assault is defined as any unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature that occurs without consent from both individuals. This also includes being persuaded to have sex using threat or coercion. Sexual assault, according to the law, includes the following: rape, forcible sodomy, forcible oral sex, sexual assault with an object, sexual battery, foricible fondling or threat of sexual assault.
Sexual assault in a relationship is a form of domestic violence. It does not discriminate against age, race, gender or socioeconomic background.
Some facts about sexual assault:
~ It occurs as frequently during the day as it does at night.
~ As many as 1 in 3 women have the chance of being sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
~ 80-85 percent of rapists are known by their victim.
~ 50 percent of sexual assaults occur in or near the victims home and 50 percent occur during the day.
~ 1.3 adult women are raped every minute in the US.
~ Rape is vastly underreported.
~ Men as well as women can be victims of sexual assault and domestic violence.
As mentioned above, sexual acts must be consented by both individuals. Individiuals who cannot or are not considered to be able to consent to sex include: anyone under the age of 18, anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol, anyone who is developmentally disabled, or anyone who is mentally or physically unable to consent.
Remember, no means no, whether you know the person or not; whether you are an acquaintance, friend, significant other or spouse. Healthy relationships include respect for one another emotionally, spiritually, physically and sexually.
If you are a victim of sexual assault in a relationship, report it as soon as possible. Tell a friend, family member, law enforcement, etc. If someone is sexually assaulting or has sexually assaulted you, it is probably not the first time it has happened and it probably won't be the last. The only way to keep sexual assault from happening to someone else is to report it when it happens to you. It's difficult to report someone you love and care about for assault, whether it's physical or sexual, but it is important to do so...for yourself and for others.
For more information on sexual assault in relationships, visit http://www.stanford.edu/group/svab/index.shtml or www.ccasa.org.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
February is Dating Violence Awareness Month
Since February is Dating Violence Awareness Month, this post will be about dating violence. Current research has shown that half of tweens (ages 11-14) are in or have been in a romantic relationship (this suprises me...I can't imagine being in a romantic relationship at those ages). Half of teen girls who have been in a romantic relationship report being verbally, physically or sexually abused by a boyfriend (current or past). The research also shows that more than half of teens who had sex before the age of 14, experienced higher rates of violence and abuse in their relationships.
Here is what a healthy dating relationship looks like:
~ Your partner respects you and your individuality.
~ You are both able to be open and honest with each other.
~ Your partner supports you and your choices, even if he/she disagrees with you.
~ You both have equal say and respect each others boundries.
~ Your partner understands that school, family and friends are important for both of you.
~ You can communicate your feelings without fear of negative consequences.
~ You both feel safe with each other.
Some signs, besides physical abuse, that your relationship is unhealthy/dangerous:
~ Your partner is inconsiderate, disrespectful or untrustworthy.
~ You can't communicate your feelings to your partner or your partner doesn't communicate his/hers with you.
~ Your partner tries to emotionally or financially control you.
~ Your partner keeps you from getting a job or gets you fired.
~ Your partner humiliates you on social networks, in public or in front of family and friends.
~ Your partner threatens you in any form or fashion.
Warning signs of abuse:
~ Checking your cell phone/email without your permission
~ Constantly putting you down
~ Extreme jealousy or insecurity
~ Explosive temper
~ Financial control
~ Isolates you
~ Mood swings
~ Any form of physical hurt
~ Possessiveness
~ Telling you what to do or what you can do
Types of abuse:
Physical - intentional use of physical force with intent to cause fear or injury (i.e.: hitting, pushing, biting, strangling, use of weapons, etc)
Emotional - non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, stalking.
Sexual - any action that impacts a person's ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control.
Break the Cycle has began grading states based on a survey of the states civil domestic violence protection order laws, assessing their impact on teens seeking protection from abusive relationships. The states 2010 Report Card grades are as follows:
Alabama - F Alaska - B Arizona - B Arkansas - C
California - A *Colorado - C Connecticut - C Delaware - B
District of Columbia - A Florida - B Georgia - F
Hawaii - C Idaho - C Illinois - A Indiana - B
Iowa - C Kansas - C Kentucky - F Louisianna - C
Maine - B Maryland - C Massachusetts - B Michigan - C
Minnesotta - B Mississippi - B Missourri - F Montana - C
Nebraska - C Nevada - C New Hampshire - A New Jersey - B
New Mexico - B New York - B North Carolina - C North Dakota - D
Ohio - F Oklahoma - A Oregon - D Pennsylvania - D
Rhode Island - A South Carolina - F South Dakota - F Tennessee - B
Texas - C Utah - F Vermont - B Virginia - F
Washington - A West Virginia - B Wisconsin - D Wyoming - C
REMEMBER: DATING VIOLENCE CAN OCCUR, REGARDLESS OF AGE, RACE OR ECONOMIC STATUS.
Regardless of whether or not you are a tween, teen, young adult or older adult or a parent, teacher, counselor, pastor, etc.; visit www.loveisrespect.org. This wonderful website is full of information and quizzes on dating violence, relationships, communication, getting help for yourself or for someone else, creating safety plans, getting involved to help stop dating violence and more. You can also take the love is respect dating pledge.
FOR PARENTS/TEACHERS/ETC.: Iphone released an app that simulates what it is like to be a victim of digital dating abuse. After loading the app, you will receive text messages, phone calls and voice mails similar to the ones teens who are victims of digital dating abuse are receiving. The app also provides tips for what you should do if your child is being victimized. Visit this website for more information: http://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/Love-is-Not-Abuse-Launches-Dating-Abuse-App.
Here is some more information. Some of it is random, but we need to start talking to our children about dating violence now, to prevent it in the future. The following are some great ways to prepare to talk to your child or to use when talking to your child about dating violence.
Movie to Watch:
Reviving Ophelia (Lifetime Channel)
Songs that Deal with Dating Violence (Great teaching tools for groups/schools/individuals):
Tell Me Why - Taylor Swift
Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Dating Violence Blog to visit:
http://www.breakthecycle.org/dating-violence-blog
**Information in this post taken from www.breakthecycle.org and www.loveisrespect.org**
Here is what a healthy dating relationship looks like:
~ Your partner respects you and your individuality.
~ You are both able to be open and honest with each other.
~ Your partner supports you and your choices, even if he/she disagrees with you.
~ You both have equal say and respect each others boundries.
~ Your partner understands that school, family and friends are important for both of you.
~ You can communicate your feelings without fear of negative consequences.
~ You both feel safe with each other.
Some signs, besides physical abuse, that your relationship is unhealthy/dangerous:
~ Your partner is inconsiderate, disrespectful or untrustworthy.
~ You can't communicate your feelings to your partner or your partner doesn't communicate his/hers with you.
~ Your partner tries to emotionally or financially control you.
~ Your partner keeps you from getting a job or gets you fired.
~ Your partner humiliates you on social networks, in public or in front of family and friends.
~ Your partner threatens you in any form or fashion.
Warning signs of abuse:
~ Checking your cell phone/email without your permission
~ Constantly putting you down
~ Extreme jealousy or insecurity
~ Explosive temper
~ Financial control
~ Isolates you
~ Mood swings
~ Any form of physical hurt
~ Possessiveness
~ Telling you what to do or what you can do
Types of abuse:
Physical - intentional use of physical force with intent to cause fear or injury (i.e.: hitting, pushing, biting, strangling, use of weapons, etc)
Emotional - non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, stalking.
Sexual - any action that impacts a person's ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control.
Break the Cycle has began grading states based on a survey of the states civil domestic violence protection order laws, assessing their impact on teens seeking protection from abusive relationships. The states 2010 Report Card grades are as follows:
Alabama - F Alaska - B Arizona - B Arkansas - C
California - A *Colorado - C Connecticut - C Delaware - B
District of Columbia - A Florida - B Georgia - F
Hawaii - C Idaho - C Illinois - A Indiana - B
Iowa - C Kansas - C Kentucky - F Louisianna - C
Maine - B Maryland - C Massachusetts - B Michigan - C
Minnesotta - B Mississippi - B Missourri - F Montana - C
Nebraska - C Nevada - C New Hampshire - A New Jersey - B
New Mexico - B New York - B North Carolina - C North Dakota - D
Ohio - F Oklahoma - A Oregon - D Pennsylvania - D
Rhode Island - A South Carolina - F South Dakota - F Tennessee - B
Texas - C Utah - F Vermont - B Virginia - F
Washington - A West Virginia - B Wisconsin - D Wyoming - C
REMEMBER: DATING VIOLENCE CAN OCCUR, REGARDLESS OF AGE, RACE OR ECONOMIC STATUS.
Regardless of whether or not you are a tween, teen, young adult or older adult or a parent, teacher, counselor, pastor, etc.; visit www.loveisrespect.org. This wonderful website is full of information and quizzes on dating violence, relationships, communication, getting help for yourself or for someone else, creating safety plans, getting involved to help stop dating violence and more. You can also take the love is respect dating pledge.
FOR PARENTS/TEACHERS/ETC.: Iphone released an app that simulates what it is like to be a victim of digital dating abuse. After loading the app, you will receive text messages, phone calls and voice mails similar to the ones teens who are victims of digital dating abuse are receiving. The app also provides tips for what you should do if your child is being victimized. Visit this website for more information: http://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/Love-is-Not-Abuse-Launches-Dating-Abuse-App.
Here is some more information. Some of it is random, but we need to start talking to our children about dating violence now, to prevent it in the future. The following are some great ways to prepare to talk to your child or to use when talking to your child about dating violence.
Movie to Watch:
Reviving Ophelia (Lifetime Channel)
Songs that Deal with Dating Violence (Great teaching tools for groups/schools/individuals):
Tell Me Why - Taylor Swift
Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Dating Violence Blog to visit:
http://www.breakthecycle.org/dating-violence-blog
**Information in this post taken from www.breakthecycle.org and www.loveisrespect.org**
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Songs for Inspiration and Empowerment
I just thought today, that I would share some songs of inspiration and empowerment for anyone who may be experiencing a hard time, whether it is with personal issues, self-esteem, self-confidence or abuse. Here are some songs that I recommend that I listen to when I need my spirits lifted.
ENJOY!!!
This is my empowerment song. I listen to it every morning.
Christina Aguilera, Keep on Singing My Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djhlS5ZvBIc
Christina Aguilera, Fighter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PstrAfoMKlc&ob=av2e
Lady Gaga, Born This Way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGj4_CFgH4c
Kelly Clarkson, Stronger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I&feature=share
Destiny's Child, Survior
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9fr5QkDWYs
Destiny's Child, Independent Women
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lPQZni7I18&ob=av2e
Pink, Perfect
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BIye98Ryic
ENJOY!!!
This is my empowerment song. I listen to it every morning.
Christina Aguilera, Keep on Singing My Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djhlS5ZvBIc
Christina Aguilera, Fighter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PstrAfoMKlc&ob=av2e
Lady Gaga, Born This Way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGj4_CFgH4c
Kelly Clarkson, Stronger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I&feature=share
Destiny's Child, Survior
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9fr5QkDWYs
Destiny's Child, Independent Women
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lPQZni7I18&ob=av2e
Pink, Perfect
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BIye98Ryic
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