Anger and Forgiveness

Anger and Forgiveness....
These are two things I've been thinking a great deal about for the past few days; as well as how the two effect me and make me interact/react to other people. The Mrs. Colorado Pageant and the ladies I met there helped me to see what a difference it is to live in anger and how your life can change when you choose to forgive (these ladies probably don't even realize they have done that for me). I'm sure many of you are wondering, "What's she talking about?" I've held on to a great deal of anger towards a number of people in my life...some of this anger, for over 20 years....anger towards relatives, anger towards classmates, anger towards ex-boyfriends, anger towards my ex-husband, anger towards my in-laws, and so forth. I really got to thinking about how angry I have been and was as a person after hearing a lecture at our pageant luncheon. What I took from the lecture was it is not another person's responsibility to make me happy or unhappy, I am the only person who can make me unhappy and I am the only person who can make me happy. I realized that all the anger I had inside towards all these people was changing who I was and how unhappy I had become. All this anger was causing problems with my relationships with other people. I found myself only calling my best friends to vent about someone who had made me mad and I had become short and moody with my husband and daughter. Those who know about the situations which caused my anger, would probably tell me, "You have reason to be angry." And while I may have reason to be angry, I also have reason to be happy; which requires forgiveness. The Bible tells us:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20)

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26-7)
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8)
And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful (2 Timothy 2:24)
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9)
I had been angry with so many people for so long, that I was seeing the anger in every aspect of my life. After an eye opening lecture and a lot of thinking, I realized why I had such a peaceful and calm experience (something I haven't had in a long time) at the Mrs. Colorado Pageant.....for a week, I forgot about my anger. I was not angry at any of these women and I was able to strongly focus on building new relationships with these ladies. I was having such a great time getting to know this amazing group of women, that I forgot about my anger and those I had been angry with. Since being home, I realized that it is not good for myself, my husband, my daughter or our relationships for me to walk around angry all the time. While driving to the counseling center I am working at for school on Monday, I kept asking myself, "How do I eliminate the anger?" The answer finally hit me...FORGIVENESS. I must be willing to forgive every person who ever did me wrong, who ever hurt me (physically, emotionally, or spiritually), who ever turned against me, who wasn't there for me, who betrayed me, and so forth. Trust me, forgiving someone is hard to do. There are some people that I can't help but think, "What this person did was so horrible, I can't forgive them." But that's not true. You can choose to forgive anyone for anything, regardless of how big or small the issue/situation may be. Forgiveness is a choice and we must be willing to forgive in order to overcome the anger. I'm not saying that forgiving means staying in an unhealthy or unsafe situation, it just means that we are to be the bigger person by being willing to forgive the person(s) who hurt us. You can turn an abusive husband/boyfriend in to the authorities or eliminate someone who betrayed you from your life and still show forgiveness. Forgiving doesn't mean not holding them responsible, it just means that you are doing the right thing in your heart for you and your faith and showing others that regardless of what you've gone through, you ultimately have the choice to forgive someone. God has forgiven us and the Bible tells us, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13) Without forgiveness, we walk around angry; as I have for many years. I decided that I am going to forgive....this is going to be the one thing I master (so Emily, if you ask next year, "What word describes an area of your life you have mastered?"....my response is going to be Forgiveness). I am going to master forgiving others and living my life by example, not as a result of how I have been treated or hurt. We can overcome anger and begin the process of forgiveness and healing by following these four simple steps, which the Lord calls us to do:
(1) Be Merciful, (2) Overlook the Sins of Others, (3) Do Not Take Revenge, (4) Treat People with Love and Grace

I chose to write on this topic today because being a victim of dating or domestic violence can cause anger and if you carry that anger with you, it can negatively effect your relationships with your friends, family, children, future boyfriends/husbands; as well as other relationships and areas of your life. If you hold on to too much anger, it can effect your work, your attitude, your mental state, and your health. Holding on to anger towards an abuser, continues to give that person power over you. Only when you can offer forgiveness to your abuser, will you experience true freedom and happiness.

I have made a commitment to myself and my family, that I am not going to hold on to my anger any longer. I am going to practice forgiveness and have even begun taking the first steps to getting there (which came as a shock to my husband when I told him how I intended on doing this). I've learned that anger only holds us back from our true potential and happiness and I am choosing to move forward, forgive, and be happy. I pray that you'll do the same.

I leave you with this song and video by Leann Rimes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZhNQDab7Jg