For the majority of
people, looks are the first thing we are attracted to. “According to the Harris Interactive, physical attraction does, in fact,
matter to both men and women. Seventy-eight per cent believed it was
very important. The rest were lying. But HuffPost reports that what is
interesting and less obvious is that it matters more in the first seven years
of a relationship than in later years. It seems that as marriage progresses,
physical attraction may be increasingly influenced by other emotional factors —
like good communication and shared interests — which probably help sustain
attraction even if looks change. The
survey shows that men are more likely than women to place higher importance on
physical attraction in their relationship. Fifty per cent of women said that physical
attraction was important, while 123% of men said it was. Women identified facial
features as being more important than body features, while men expressed a
preference for women who had surgically relocated their breasts to their heads.
A high number of couples (92%) agreed that their relationship was healthier
when both partners felt confident about their appearance. Over half of men and
women indicated that they would like their partner to pay more attention to
their physical appearance. The rest indicated that they would like their
partner to pay more attention to them.”
With
our initial attraction to a person lying in how attractive they are, the fact
that our appearances and bodies do change over time, and the statistics above
prove that we should not think we found Mr. or Mrs. Right because we are
attracted to their appearance. As mentioned above, after appearances begin to
diminish the relationships that will last are based on emotional factors like
good communication and shared interests. So, what do we want in our significant
other besides good looks? That is something many people don’t think about when
entering a relationship. I know for me personally, it was never something I
thought about. I just thought, “I really like this person”. I never thought about
what I wanted in a relationship or a significant other.
I
had a friend, who after her divorce, made a list of what she wanted in a
husband. A very detailed list, which at times I picked on her for (i.e.: he had
to like wheat bread instead of white); but she had the right idea. I think we
should all take the time to really think about what we want in a relationship
and a partner and prioritize those items. Then when we are considering whether
we enter into a relationship with this person, we look at the person and the
list and see how many of the qualities we want are in the person we are
considering and then determine if we can live with those qualities that they
don’t meet. I think if we all did this, we would see happier relationships and
possibly lower divorce rates; simply because we knew what we wanted and got it
rather than guessing about what we want or settling.
I
had never made a list before but have been thinking about my friends list a
lot, so I even though I am married, decided to make a list of what I would want
in a significant other if I were single. Here is my list and I encourage you to
create your own. And if you are in a relationship, make your list and see how
many of the qualities you want actually appear in your current
partner/significant other.
What
I Want In A Significant Other (It was really hard to prioritize after the first two):
Someone
who is spiritual and a believer in Christ.
Someone
who believes family is more important than anything, except the above.
Someone
who trusts me with everything and I can trust with everything.
Someone
who is a good listener and communicator.
Someone
who is my best friend and wants me to be theirs.
Someone
who loves children.
Someone
who understands and supports my career as a counselor, but also supports and
encourages my other dreams and goals.
Someone
who doesn’t drink or is only a social drinker.
Someone
who doesn’t use drugs.
Someone
who shares my same interests (music, movies, performing arts and art in
general, traveling, the beach, going to the lake, tent camping, hiking,
rafting, spending time outdoors in general, volunteering).
Someone
who understands wanting to make a difference in the lives of others and wants
to himself.
Someone
who works hard, but makes time for his family.
Someone
who realizes regular date nights are important, even after marriage.
Someone
who makes me laugh, but that I can cry to or with when necessary.
Someone
who understands my past and doesn’t judge me for it or use it against me.
Someone
who understands my past and encourages and supports me using it to help others.
Someone
who inspires my creativity.
Someone
who is not so focused on their needs, wants and desires that they forget about
or neglect mine.
Someone
who is adventurous and passionate and can be spontaneous.
Someone
who would rather be with me than anywhere else, but with the understanding we
can’t be together 24/7 (they just need to have that desire to be with me when
they’re away from me and miss me).
Someone
who believes in himself and has self-confidence without being arrogant and is
not afraid to admit when he is wrong or has made a mistake and takes steps to
fix the wrong.
Someone
who believes that a relationship is built on faith, trust, genuineness,
authenticity, openness, and total transparency.
Someone
who is not superficial or keeps things on the surface and lacks depth.
Someone
who doesn’t care if I’m all dressed up or wearing sweats with no make-up and a
ponytail.
Someone
who cares about their appearance, body and health, but that is not arrogant
about it or obsessive over it.
What
will your list of qualities include?
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