Many people may say I'm an overprotective parent and they are
probably right. After hearing of the little girl's (Jessica Ridgeway)
disappearance near Denver last week, I was reminded again of why I am
overprotective. My heart just broke for this little girl's family when
the news announced her body had been found in a park just 6 or so miles
from her home. I'm always baffled by how someone could hurt another
person, let alone an innocent child. It is scary to think that our
children cannot be safe walking to the park or bus stop without an adult
with them. I remember as a 9 and 10 year old child riding my bike
around my neighborhood with the other children and it didn't seem like
we had to worry about someone trying to hurt one of us. I grew up in a
town of 3,600 people, which now has a huge drug problem, but you would
have never known it when I was growing up there. It seemed like a safe
place and you never heard of children disappearing. Now days, it seems
like it doesn't matter how small or large the town, how safe or unsafe,
there are children being abducted all the time.
My 8 year old
daughter has friends, who I am sure dislike me, because I am so
overprotective. We live in a small mountain town, where the most common
crime committed is feeding the wildlife. And while there is positives to
living in a town with a winter population of 300-600, there are
drawbacks as well. Because we are a mountain town and have a ski area
within 20 miles of us, we are also a tourist destination. Our area
summer population soars well above 5,000. We live in a nice little
subdivision with paved streets the kids love to ride bikes on. However,
on our street, there are only four houses with year round residents in
it. The majority of houses on our street are vacation homes or homes
that are in property management pools. We may have 2-3 different
families staying across the street from us in any given week. And a lot
of the neighborhood is this way. People from other places come in and
buy a vacation home in the neighborhood and put it in a property
management pool to help offset their costs and make owning a vacation
home more affordable for them. I completely understand that. But because
of this (not just this, but this is one of the reasons), I don't allow
my 8 year old daughter to ride her bike around the neighborhood with her
friends. She's not allowed to leave our driveway unless I'm with her
(or another adult from our family/friends). She has rules about when she
can and can't play in the front yard. When she is invited to a friend's
house to play, I have to really know the parents in order to say yes.
In fact, there are only about 3-4 houses that she is allowed to go play
at. I feel bad about not letting her go to other friends, but I want to
know that when she is not with me, she is safe and that an eye is being
kept on her. I want to know that I can trust the parent and that I can
trust the parent to make decisions that will keep my child safe, such as
who they allow at their house while my child is there. Some parents I
don't have a problem with, but some of their associates are questionable
and I can't take the chance that one of those questionable people will
show up while my child is there. An example of how I deal with letting
my daughter go to someone's house I don't know happened over the
weekend. An older couple moved in behind us and they have custody of
their 11 year old granddaughter. She called me wanting to set up a play
date with Sky on Saturday. I told her that Sky could come over for a
little bit and had planned on taking her myself. Being pregnant and
nesting, I decided I needed to finish cleaning that afternoon, so I had
my husband go with Sky to her play date and stay there the entire time. I
hope the lady wasn't offended, but I had never met her and am just not
comfortable letting my child go to someone's house we don't know. Maybe
it's because I am so overprotective, but one day this summer, I was
shocked when I heard a knock on the door and when I answered it, there
were two little girls I'd never seen before standing in front of me. One
of the little girls asked, "can your daughter come play?". I told them
my daughter wasn't there and they said okay and walked to the driveway. I
shut the door and a few seconds later heard another knock. I answered
and they asked, "do you know the name of your little girl's friend?".
They had apparently seen Sky and her friend from down the street playing
in the driveway one day. I told them her name and went back about my
business. A few minutes later, I was walking out to my car and the
little girls came back..."do you know where (my daughter's friend)
lives?". Here were these two little girls about my daughter's age,
running around our neighborhood by themselves, looking for someone to
play with. Turns out, they had moved in a street over from us and they
could see our front yard from their backyard. These little girls didn't
even know my daughter's name and wanted to play. I had never met these
girl's parents and knew nothing about them and them nothing about us and
here they were allowing their children roam from house to house looking
for children to play with. Maybe it's just me, but I was not
comfortable with the situation at all. I'm not going to allow my child
run around the neighborhood by herself, let alone, go from house to
house to see if there are children at them.
Now I'm not saying
that children shouldn't have some freedom and shouldn't be allowed to do
things, I just believe that what they do should be done safely. I'm not
willing to take any chances with my child. I would rather be a little
overprotective now and gradually give her freedoms than to let her
wander free at her age and something happen to her. I personally believe
that if we start teaching our children slowly and giving them freedoms
slowly, by the time they are teenagers, they will have the tools and
freedom they need to make the right decisions. As my daughter gets older
and gains a better understanding of what's right and wrong, what is
okay and what isn't and when she feels strong enough to stand up for
herself and what she believes is right, I will loosen up more. Right
now, my 8 year old wants everyone to like her and obsesses if she gets
in an argument or disagreement with a friend. I don't want a friend,
stranger or anyone else, pressuring her into something that is not right
because she is afraid of hurting their feelings by saying no. I tell
her over and over that it is okay to disagree with other people and to
tell them no if she doesn't want to do something or they want to do
something she knows she's not allowed to do. Peer pressure can be great
and we have all faced it, I just want to make sure my daughter knows
that it is okay to say no and for her to feel good about saying no,
before I let her take off into the world on her own.
I've probably
rambled enough about me being overprotective, but I just couldn't help
but be reminded of why I am so overprotective when I heard about Jessica
Ridgeway. Jessica and her family did nothing wrong. Jessica was simply
in the wrong place at the wrong time and was the victim of a sick and
twisted person who took advantage of her vulnerability. What's scary is
that the FBI believe that this individual who took Jessica, could be
someone known within the community. Maybe even someone Jessica knew or
had met before. South Fork may be small, but sexual perps, child
molesters and other criminals can blend in with everyone else. I don't
want to take the chance that one of these people may live or be staying
down the street or down the road from my family or places that my child
(and soon to be children) hang out. As a parent, I believe it is my job
to protect my child(ren) until they are old enough to do so themselves
and for me, if that means being overprotective.....so be it.
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