I have been working a great deal lately with the topic of self-esteem and would like to share some information on building self-esteem. Having high self-esteem is important in order to keep others from taking advantage of you. Many abusers choose "victims" who have low self-esteem. This happens because most people with low self-esteem have developed negative thoughts and behaviors about themselves; which are then recognized by others. If you are thinking negatively about yourself, people are less likely to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, because you have created the thought that you don't deserve better. Guess what....YOU DO DESERVE BETTER.
Another reason self-esteem is important is because once you've been in an abusive relationship, your relationship is lowered that much more. It is very important, whether you are still in an abusive relationship or you've left the relationship, to work on increasing your self-esteem and learning that YOU DESERVE MORE!
Here are Ten Tips for Building Self-Esteem and some other information I share with some of my clients:
Ten Tips for Building Self-Esteem
· Stop comparing yourself to others people.
If you play this game, you’re likely to compare yourself in a negative way and set yourself up for continuing to have low self-esteem. Why continue to play a game where you’ve set the rules against yourself, so that you’re less likely to win!
· Don’t keep putting yourself down.
You can’t develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Other people will pick up on it and take on board the negative way you view yourself. How are they likely to treat you? Also don’t beat yourself up over “mistakes” that you’ve made – learn how to reframe them so that they work for you.
· Using affirmations is an excellent way to raise your self-esteem.
It’s the opposite of no. 1. If you can program your mind to repeat negative phrases about yourself (and see how effective that’s been), then you can certainly get into the habit of continually thinking (and saying to yourself) positive statements about you. When you do, allow yourself to experience the positive feelings about your statements. Also use inspirational quotes to assist you.
· Accept all compliments graciously.
Don’t dismiss or ignore them. When you do, you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which reflects low self-esteem. It also means that others will become more reluctant to praise or acknowledge your abilities, if you don’t.
· Take advantage of and use life coaching programs, workshops, books on how to raise your self-esteem and develop a more positive attitude.
Whatever material you see. Reading acts as subliminal learning, which means that it will plant itself in your mind and dominate your behavior. Talk about food for thought – what diet is your mind on? Is it a nourishing one?
· Mix with positive and supportive people.
Who you associate with influences your thoughts, actions and behavior – another form of subliminal learning. Negative people can put you and your ideas down and it lowers your self-esteem. On the other hand, when you are surrounded by supportive people, you feel better about yourself, which helps to raise your self-esteem. Learn how to develop your positive personal support network.
· Acknowledge your positive qualities and skills.
Too many people with low self-esteem constantly put themselves down and don’t appreciate their many positive attributes. Learn how to truly affirm and value your many excellent qualities. If you find this difficult, ask others to tell you. They’ll come up with things you would never have imagined.
· Stop putting up with stuff.
Not voicing or acknowledging your needs means that you are probably tolerating more than you should. Find out what you’re putting up with and zap those tolerations. By doing so, you’re giving the message that you’re worth it.
· Make positive contributions to others.
This doesn’t mean that you constantly do for others what they could be doing for themselves. But when you do make a positive contribution to others, you begin to feel more valuable, which increases your sense of your own value and raises your self-esteem.
· Involve yourself in work and activities that you love.
So many people with low self-esteem stop doing those activities that they most enjoy. Even if you’re not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies and activities.
Unlock Your Own Happiness
· See the world in a different light.
Things are never as bad as you think and other peoples lives are rarely as good as you make them out to be. Experience REALITY for yourself – perhaps for the FIRST TIME.
· Redefine your self-image.
This is the key to it all – just look at the self-images of people with self-confidence. Once you see yourself for what you truly are and BELIEVE IT, not only will you feel the difference, others will too.
· Start building self-esteem.
Benefit from a new found motivation tell you that you CAN have happiness and success.
· Gain confidence.
See the barriers of doubt and fear crumble.
· Become your own leader.
Take control of your own life – and watch others look to YOU as the one to follow.
“The definition of healthy self-esteem in its true sense is happiness. True happiness is when you are not only happy with your life, but happy and content with yourself – the essence of who you are.”
Information taken from www.ultimate-self-esteem.com
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