Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Advocate Training

In April I attended a victim advocate training in Archuletta County. This training gave me so much insight on being an advocate, laws, court processes and how to assist victims of crimes and disasters.
Here is some information, facts and statistics I took away from the class that could benefit those of you who are in a violent relationship or know someone who is.

• Domestic Violence occurs between "intimate" partners (i.e.: spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, significant other)
• "Domestic Violence means an act or threatened act of violence upon a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship. "Domestic Violence" also includes any other crime against a person or property or any municipal ordinance violation against a person or against propert, when used as a method of coercion, control, punishment, intimidation, or revenge against a person with whom the actor is or has been involvd in an intimate relationship. (Please note that description uses the words IS and HAS BEEN....therefore, even if you are no longer in a relationship, if you had an intimate relationship, this constitutes domestic violence.)
• "Intimate Relationship" means a relationship between spouses, former spouses, past or present unmarried couples, or persons who are both the parents of the same child, regardless of whether the persons have been married or have lived together at any time or not.
• Family Violence occurs between family members (i.e.: child abuse, child's abuse of a parent, child's abuse of another child in the family)
• Sex can be consented to at the age of 15 in Colorado, except: 1) when there is 4 or more years difference in age (i.e.: a 19 year old cannot have sex with a 15 year old) 2) when the youngest partner is under the age of 18, the older partner cannot be more than 10 years older 3) a person cannot enter into a sexual relationship with someone under the age of 18, even if he/she is within the legal age limits, if he/she is in a position of trust, power or authority (i.e.: teacher, law enforcement, counselor, etc).
• 3 women are murdered by their significant other (husband/boyfriend) every day.
• 324,000 pregnant women are abused annually and abuse results in 2/3 of birth defects.
• 1 out of 12 women are stalked by a partner.
• 40% of girls 14-17 know someone who has been beaten by a boyfriend.
• 8 million children witness domestic violence every year.
• 44% of homeless women, report it is due to domestic violence.
• 60% of homeless women in Colorado, report it is due to domestic violence.
• In 85% of domestic violence cases, the male is the primary aggressor and in 15% of cases, the woman is the primary aggressor.

Ways Abusers Use Power & Control

• Intimidation - Making partner afraid by using looks, actions, gestures; smashing things; destroying partner's property; abusing pets; displaying weapons
• Emotional Abuse - Putting partner down; making partner feel bad about self; calling partner names; making partner think he/she is crazy; playing mind games; humiliating partner; making partner feel guilty
• Isolation - Controlling what partner does, who partner sees and talks to, what partner reads, where partner goes; limiting partners outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions
• Minimizing, Denying & Blaming - Making light of the abuse and not taking partner's concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying partner caused it
• Children - Making partner feel guilty about the children; using the children to relay messages; using visitation to harass partner; threatening to take the children away
• Male Privilege - Treating her like a servant; making all the big decisions; acting like the "master of the castle"; being the one to define men's and women's roles
• Economic Abuse - Preventing partner from getting or keeping a job; making partner ask for money; giving partner an allowance; taking partner's money; not letting partner know about or have access to family income
• Coercion & Threats - Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to harm partner; threatening to leave partner, commit suicide, report partner to welfare; making partner drop charges; making partner do illegal things

Victim Rights

• THE RIGHT to be treated with fairness, respect, dignity and to be free from intimidation, harassment or abuse throughout the criminal justice process.
• THE RIGHT to know when an offender escapes or is released from custody.
• THE RIGHT to be informed of and present for all critical stages of the criminal justice process.
• THE RIGHT to be heard at bond reduction/modification of hearings, the acceptance of a negotiation plea, or the sentencing of a defendant.
• THE RIGHT to confer with the prosecution prior to disposition and to be informed of the final disposition.
• THE RIGHT to be informed of the status of any case and any scheduling changes if known in advance.
• THE RIGHT to inform the Court, in writing or orally, of the harm the victim sustained.
• THE RIGHT to have the Court order restitution for losses.
• THE RIGHT to be informed of the victim's right to pursue a civil judgement against any person convicted of a crime against a victim.
• THE RIGHT to be informed of and heard at any post-conviction release hearing.
• THE RIGHT to prompt return of property held as evidence.
• THE RIGHT to be informed of the availability of financial assistance and community services.
• THE RIGHT to be informed about what steps to take if there is any intimidation or harassment.
• THE RIGHT to be provided with appropriate employer intercession services.
• THE RIGHT to a swift and fair resolution of the criminal proceedings.
• THE RIGHT to be provided to a secure waiting area during court proceedings.
• THE RIGHT to be informed when an inmate is transferred to a minimal security facility or a community corrections facility.

12 Steps to Changing a Batter:

• Must disclose fully the history of physical and psycholgoical abuse towards partner and children. Must do so without denial and minimization.
• Must recognize and admit that all abusive behavior is unacceptable. No victim blaming or justification.
• Must recognize that behavior is chosen. No excuses like: drunk, stressed, abused as a child, etc.
• Must show empathy for actions and effects on the victim/kids. Must be beyond "I know I hurt him/her" to accepting the long term affects of behavior.
• Must identify his/her pattern of abuse and control and identify his/her attitudes of entitlement. Identify how he/she uses control in day to day situations. Identify how he/she uses children in his/her control/abuse.
• Must have a respectful behavior and attitude; meets his/her financial responsibilities to his/her children, treats partner as an equal, puts children's needs first, accepts partner's right to get angry.
• Must reevaluate his/her negative image of his/her partner.
• Must make amends - short and long term. Develop a sense of indebtedness.
• Must accept all consequences of his/her actions. Accepts that the consequences are justified and earned.
• Must commit to not repeating the abuse - unconditionally.
• Must accept thaat change is a life-long process.
• Must be willing to be accountable. Agree to structures that answer to his/her commitment of change (i.e. probation, visitation, reconciliation parameters set by partner, etc.).

There is also compensation offered to victim's who have filed a police report to help with financial loss and mental healthcare. A local advocate can give more information on what is available in your area based on your specific situation.

“Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.” Charles Jones.